20 Months- Happy Holidays!!!

December 25, 2010

This month hasn't been very active. I got Brian to say Merry Christmas and Santa on video and so far that has been the only time he has said Merry Christmas!I know this post is premature and I will update again in January, but I wanted to make sure I got all this down since I just now updated for 19 months. Brian had a good Christmas! He woke up with me Christmas morning and we opened up gifts! He got a ton of things, but so far his favorites are what Santa brought him, a tricycle and the V-Tech Bouncing Colors Turtle! He is in love with them. He didn't get to play long that morning since Travis picked him up at 11am. I guess that is all for now and I will update again in January since we will be bringing in the new year and my birthday all in one week! WOO-HOO! 

January 4, 2010
I just wanted to update on Brian. While things haven't been very active, we have had some interesting and entertaining moments to say the least. Brian brought in the new year with his daddy, which I was totally fine with since it was his weekend, plus I had plans. For the first time in years I actually went out NYE. I went to see the Eli Young Band and I had a blast. It gives me hope that 2011 will be way better than 2010. Brian's favorite Christmas present so far has been his bouncing colors turtle. He is in love with it! Since it is so cold outside my grandma let Brian keep his tricycle in the house. He has been learning to ride it and it makes me such a proud momma to say that I taught my son to ride a trike. Brian had a cough for a little over 2 weeks and so I finally said enough is enough and took him into the doctor. I had called several times before Christmas and they said they couldn't get him in because they were booked. We got him in and found out he is up to weighing 26 pounds! I was one VERY proud momma when she said that too. Brian had been stuck at 23 pounds for about 6 months. No change in weight or height. It was starting to really concern me since he should have gained at least little bits here and there, but he didn't. We had been seen by the doctor in November and he was still at 23 pounds. We were seen again (for the cough this time) about a month later, so in a month he gained 3 pounds. He is now back in the 40-50% range for his weight which is a huge improvement from being below the 5% mark. Brian's cough is gone now though. Im thinking it was just allergies due to the weather changing so much. While we were in the doctors office she asked about allergies. I had mentioned that I have seasonal and food allergies (mine are not severe at all) and that I have family members that have horrid food allergies. My niece, right about Brian's age, started having food allergies. Her's were so severe that it warranted several trips to the hospital and a huge modification in her diet so she wasn't eating things she was allergic to. So far we know that Brian is allergic to Spinach. He breaks out in hives and welps and his face swells. From my knowledge of allergies this is what it starts like. Thank God I had been around my niece and had a knowledge of the "breakout face" since this is normally what happens first. Unfortuantly Benadryl wasn't able to make the hives go away the first time and he ended up on a steriod to help them go away. Since then I keep a very close eye on Brian to make sure he doesn't eat something he is allergic to. Since I mentioned to the doctor that food allergies do run on my side of the family and that he was already allergic to at least one food that we know of she urged me to set an appointment for allergy testing. My schedule is making it beyond hard, but Im going to try my hardest to get him in, I just need a little cooperation from the doctors office since there are only certain days and times I can take him. Brian learned a new phrase today. I was sitting at the table eating a piece of my birthday cake (I had my bday dinner with my grandma 1/3) and Brian walks up to me and says, "Happy birfday momma!" Litearly that is what he said. It cracked me up because I haven't ever had someone tell happy "birfday". It was adorable though and while it cracked me up it brought tears to my eyes. It's moments like those that remind me how much I love being a mommy. Im done with this update, but Im sure I will update again later on in the week.

19 Months (Yeah Im a little late LOL)

This month was a big one. I'll start off with Halloween. I took Brian the day before Halloween to Boo At The Zoo! He had a blast! We got to see the penguins being fed, the white tiger came up to the glass and got nose to nose with Brian, and the lion roared. We had a blast! Brian got to color on a pumpkin and believe it or not he made a heart on it all by himself!!! We rode the train on the way out, which is something I used to do every time I went to the zoo when I was little. The next day we went to Brian's dad's and went trick or treating! Brian was a baby Vampire and I was a mommy vampire. We walked their street, which is quite long, and went back to the house. Brian got a bucket full of candy and passed out in the car. We had our appointment with the cardiologist and Brian is totally fine! They dismissed us and said that they didn't need to see us again, something I was more than happy to hear! I am a little ticked off at Brian's old pediatrician though. Brian is up to date on all of his shots, but yet at our 18 month appointment they are saying there is 1 shot that he didn't get at a year old. He now has to get the shot again, but I didn't let them give him more than the the ones he was supposed to get at 18 months. I will be checking with the old pediatrician office to see why it was not wrote down that he had the shot. Brian is still at 34 inches and 23 pounds so I am trying to get more fatty and high calorie foods in him, healthy ones though, to see if we can get a little bit of weight on him. I know at our last appointment they were a little concerned because he wasn't within the 25th percentile. He has been 23 pounds for about 6 months now. Right before Thanksgiving Brian got sick. I picked him up from Travis and he was running fever. I figured it was just a virus and that he would have to wait it out. His only symptom was running fever. His fever was getting into the 102.2 range so after speaking with the pedi and letting them know that he had been running fever for 3 days they told me to take him into the hospital. We went in and they said he had herpingina. It is a virus that causes a rash in the mouth and high fevers. They wrote us an Rx and he was fine afterwards. We had a crowd for Thanksgiving. We had 17 people come over and while it was stressful, it was fun. Brian had a blast and got to play with his cousins whom he loves! A few weeks after I took Brian to see Santa. All I could do was pray like crazy that he wouldn't cry and freak out. I had been trying to let him know that Santa was good and fun. It worked! He didn't cry at all! At first he was leery about him, but he warmed up and we got a smile!!! I couldn't have been happier! I will wrap the 19 month post up about me. I took 4 classes this semester and within the first month or so I dropped one, putting me at 3 classes. Having a small child and trying to do everything I do and go to school is very hard, but paid off. I passed all 3 of my classes this semester with high B's! I could not be happier!!!!

Serta Mattress giveaway!

I came across this great giveaway on Survey Junkie today. They are giving away a brand new Serta mattress set of your choice, up to $2,000!!! This is a great giveaway and I hope I win! Serta is one of the best mattresses one can buy. I had a Serta memory foam mattress up until last year. It was the best mattresses I have had. I was able to sleep throughout the night and when Travis and I were together he could get out of bed and I wouldn't know it. Serta mattresses are wonderful and no matter how much money you spend, you are sure to get your moneys worth! This giveaway ends today so be sure to stop over and enter to win (or don't because I really need a new bed!!!)! Click HERE to enter the giveaway or click HERE to visit Serta and see what they have to offer!

Snorg Tee's!

Have you ever wondered where to get a sarcastic funny tee shirt that will make everyone laugh? Well I came across a giveaway on Survey Junkie for Snorg Tees and I have to say they are quite a doozy! While there were some that I just didn't get, Im sure it's because of my blondness, there were some that had me laughing hard! One saying was "Dear Math, Im not a therapist, Solve your own problems". I don't know how many times during my high school days I wish I would have had a shirt that said that. Needless to say Math was not my favorite subject at all! An example of one I didn't get at all was a tee shirt that had a picture of a boat and it says, "Im on a boat". Maybe Im just blonde, but I don't get it. Anyways, Snorg has some awesome tee's and they are cheap! Most will run you about $16 plus shipping and handling which will run you $4.99 for standard shipping. They are made of 100% Super Soft Cotton. They do run a little small so if you want something that is a little bigger I would order a size up. Right now Survey Junkie is hosting a giveaway that is good for the tee shirt of your choice! It is super easy to enter the giveaway! All you do is click HERE then follow the directions on Survey Junkie's page! I wish everyone the best of luck!!

A Super Sweet Giveaway!!!

My sister has an awesome blog and right now she is hosting a giveaway for a $25 gift card for a baby boutique! They have some SUPER cute clothes for cheap! Hurry over and enter to win because the giveaway ends on November 19th! It's super easy to enter too! All you have to do is follow the directions and leave comments on the page to enter! Not only is it super easy, but it's fun too! Follow the link below to enter the giveaway!


CLICK HERE TO ENTER GIVEAWAY!

Im stealing the lime light for a little bit....

Another blogger mommy that I follow has been doing this and I have decided that I want to join. I am WAY behind so please bare with me, but please DO read. It may help you understand a little bit more about me and my grieving the loss of my daughter. 


30 Posts In 30 Days


Day 1 - a song that reminds you of your child, or one that you can't listen to anymore and why.
This would be the song In My Daughters Eyes. It makes me think of Lilly and what life would be like if she were here. There is a line in the song that says "In my daughters eyes I am a hero, I am strong and wise and I know no fear".... It gets me every time. I want my daughter to be proud of me even though she isn't here. There are times when I am strong, but then there are times that Im not. I always have fear though. 

Day 2 - a movie that helped you get through the hard times, or one that jumps out at you after your loss.
I can't really say that there was one that stands out. I know I watched Game Day a lot after miscarrying Lilly and while I was still pregnant with Brian.


Day 3 - a television program that helped you either get through hard times or that moves you.
There were a few shows that I watched. I watched A Baby Story, Birth Day, and 16 and Pregnant (the original season with Maci and Catelynn, ect). For some reason seeing other babies took my mind off of the pain I was feeling


Day 4 - your favorite book. has it changed since your loss?
I like anything by Sarah Dessen. I can't say it's changed because I read her books in high school and still do.


Day 5 - your favorite quote.
If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't then it never was. 


Day 6 - twenty things that calm you.
I can't think of 20, but talking to my dad and sister help, listening to music, crying, and hugging my bear or puppy

Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy.

Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad.

This is one of the only pics I have sporting my "bump" while pregnant with both Brian and Lilly.

Day 9 - a photo you took since your loss.
I have taken a TON, but here is a more recent one

Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you and how it makes you feel seeing 
it now.
Haha, um I don't have a picture of me from 10 years ago, but here is one from 7 years ago

I was going through a lot at the time, but I have to say that was one of the good years. Looking back at it now makes me sad because so much has changed since then.

Day 11 - a photo of you recently and how it makes you feel seeing it now.

Im still growing as a person and trying to deal and cope with the loss. It's hard and I try and hide all that from everyone so that I can be strong for them.

Day 12 - something you are OCD about.
Weird, but I am OCD about using my turn signal. If I don't use it or if I ride with someone who doesn't use one it drives me nuts.


Day 13 - a fictional book that is meaningful to you since your loss.
I don't read a lot so Im not sure


Day 14 - a non-fictional book that is meaningful to you since your loss.
I don't read a lot so Im not sure


Day 15 - what you like about your house.
Um, I like the HUGE backyard 


Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly).
I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me.


Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc) that moves you.

My angel wings I got in memory of Lilly

Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding.
My past wedding was at the JP and just wasn't everything I wanted at all. My next one will be on the beach around sunset, I want to be wearing the pickup dress that I had planned on wearing when I got married last time. I want my terria and to feel like Cinderella. I want to walk bare foot down the beach with my dad giving me away. My colors will be snow white and cherry red. At my reception Im going to play My Little Girl in memory of my daddy and Im not sure what my dad and daughter dance song will be, but there will be one. 


Day 19 - a talent of yours.
Taking pictures


Day 20 - a hobby of yours and how it changed since your loss.
Singing- I feel like I have lost my passion to sing. Even my ex husband said something about it when we were in the car one day. I just don't have the passion like I did before


Day 21 - a recipe.

1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Campbell's® Condensed Cream of Mushroom Soup  (Regular or 98% Fat Free)

1 cup water  

3/4 cup uncooked regular long-grain white rice

1/4 teaspoon paprika

1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves  (about 1 pound)

• Stir the soup, water, rice, paprika and black pepper in a 2-quart shallow baking dish. Top with the chicken. Season with additional paprika and black pepper. Cover the baking dish.
• Bake at 375°F. for 45 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through and the rice is tender.

Day 22 - a website that has been meaningful since your loss.
CarleighMckenna.blogspot.com. Holly was in my due date group on Cafe Mom. She found out that her baby girl Carleigh had anencephaly and would not make it long after birth. Her unwavering strength and faith inspires me.


Day 23 - a youtube video that makes you laugh.



Day 24 - where you live
Fort Worth Texas


Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Woke up, did my hair and make up, went to get my nails done, went to pick Brian up, went and picked up Ashley, went to the football game, left the game, went and dropped Ashley off, came home, packed the car for the zoo tomorrow, got Brian some milk, put him to bed, got online.


Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Sunday- got Brian
Monday- carved pumpkins
Tuesday- dyed my hair
Wednesday-dropped Brian off and went to class
Thursday- hung out with my sister
Friday- got my nails done, got Brian, went to the game




Day 27 - your worst habit since your child's death.
I have bad flashbacks and panic attacks about things. 


Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse
Wallet, lip stick, insurance card, keys, change, reciepts, nail polish, diapers and wipes


Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
I hope to graduate school, get a good high paying job, buy my own house and car, and find love


Day 30 - a dream for the future 
to be truly happy with everything

I can't believe it's been 18 months!

Almost 18 months ago today I was having my sweet baby boy. As a matter of fact this exact day 18 months ago was my due date! Of course my stubborn little boy just HAD to keep mommy and daddy waiting, but you know what they say, good things are worth the wait. He truly was worth every second I had to wait and every ounce of pain I had to go through. Wow! And to see how much he has grown, from being my little victory dancer (what I called him when we very first saw him at 9 weeks) to being my almost big boy, amazes me. I never imagined in a million years that he would grow that quick! After seeing him grow as quick as he did I tell every new mom I encounter now to cherish the baby days because soon enough you will be chasing them around playing tag. This month has been very hectic to say the least. I feel so sad that my little boy is growing up, but happy too. We went and had Brian's 18 month pictures done on the 5th and they turned out AWESOME! 

See how much he's grown just since 6 months!!!

We had Brian's follow up dentist appointment on the 8th as well. It didn't go as well as I'd hoped and I'm honestly regretting EVER allowing them to preform the surgery back in May. They are now saying that his teeth are chipping more and they need root canals and caps on them. I don't want to allow them do this because I really don't think it's needed. In my honest opinion I feel like the dentist is just trying to make money and he's using my son and God only knows who else's children to make it. We will for sure be getting second and this time a third opinion this time around as well as sitting down and having a very serious conversation about all this. I really don't want to have to go through this again and I have already said that I wouldn't put Brian back under. I feel like the risks outweigh the benefits. He has a cardiologist appointment on November 12th (a follow up from last year) and they have also mentioned if they couldn't get a good shot of his heart with an ultrasound putting him under as well. I feel like climbing the highest mountain and screaming as loud as I can to leave my child alone! The cardiologist said last time that all that was wrong was circulation and that he was fine. They are now saying that he may have a hole in his heart. They said that when I was pregnant with him and under further looking with the high risk OB, we found that there wasn't a hole. If there wasn't one there before why would there be one now? I just don't get it! And too people that I have talked to that have had holes in their hearts have said you can not only hear it, but feel it as well. His doctor, dad and I haven't heard or felt anything so it's really making me mad that they are treating my son like he is a guinea pig, or so it seems! I guess we will see what they say and I will update on that as soon as I know something. On to something more happy! I believe on the 22nd Travis and I are going to take Brian to Boo at the Zoo! I'm excited because I didn't get to take him last year and the last time I went I was like 6. I can't wait and I'm sure we will have a blast! Just a quick update on how I'm doing in school... I ended up dropping a class because the work load was just too much. I was taking 4 classes, taking care of Brian Sunday through Wednesday, trying to keep the house clean, take care of my aunt and grandma and basically preform the work of a stay at home mom and it had me stressed beyond belief. I felt like a horrible mom because I wasn't spending enough time with Brian (I have class everyday I have him) and it was really dragging me down and depressing me. I went and met with the counselor as well as my course advisor and we have decided that from now on I can take 2 full semester classes and 2 mini-mesters(one the first 8 weeks and one the second 8 weeks). I am passing all of my classes I'm taking now and hopefully will stay that way the rest of the semester. I started off strong now I just have to finish out with a bang so to say.