My Surgery

I had my Surgery on Tuesday. I had several break downs before even going in. Thankfully Bryon was there and kept me calm and tried keeping my mind off of things. I remember them taking me down to holding and I completely and totally lost it. I was crying hysterically. The lady that does the IVs wasn't really nice and wanted to put one in my wrist. I refused and so the anastiligist, whom was really nice, did it. She asked me where i wanted it and put it where i wanted. I remember still crying and she put something in my IV and it was like instantly I stopped crying. I don't remember being wheeled back. I barely remember them asking if i could get on the table and all I could do was shake my head no. I kinda remember them putting a mask on me and i was out. I remember waking up in recovery. I could barely see anything. The nurse asked if i was hurting and i couldn't answer. I just shook my head yes. About 5 minutes later I could talk and i told her I was in pain. They gave me something in my IV and then a shot of something else. I asked how long I had been in surgery for and how long i had been in recovery. She said total my Surgery took an hour and i had been in recovery for an hour. I told her i wanted to see Bryon so she called up to the waiting room and told him to meet us on the 2nd floor. I was still completely out of it, but i needed him right then. We didn't leave the hospital until 6:30p. We dropped off pain pills and came to the house. Ashley took me to go get my pills and we went and got what was supposed to be a Christmas gift for Bryon. I decided to give it to him early since he deserved it. We came back and I ate for the first time in 24 hours. I had 2 bowls of soup, crackers, and a grilled cheese. Solids decided they didn't like me and wanted to choke me so I've been taking it easy with them. I don't remember a lot about Tuesday or Wednesday. I think i slept most of the day Wednesday. Yesterday I totally over did it though. I needed to go get my check so i drove from north richland hills to weatherford to get my check. I hadn't had a pain pill since 6am and it was going on 1pm. I forgot my wallet at the house so Ashley ran in and grabbed it and my pills. She drove me to go get my check cashed and pick up a few things. By the time we got back Bryon was home. I was hurting so I laid in bed for a little while. We went and got something to eat and I laid in bed some more. After resting for a few hours Ashley and i made brownies cause they sounded really good. We ended up burning them though LOL. I went to sleep and woke up this morning so sore I could barely move. Today is gonna be a lazy day since Bryon has my car and I don't need to do anything. I am so so so sore :(

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Some Not So Good News....

Here is a little back story on all of this. Since I can remember I have had HORRID periods. I am talking I would stay up all night and cry and nothing would help. I remember missing a ton of school because of these cramps I would get. I went to dr after dr and no one could ever tell me anything. They told me there was nothing wrong and that I was fine. Well come to find out that isn't the case. There is and has been something wrong for years now. It's name, endomitriosis. In June of 2010 I had horrible cramps. It was so bad I felt as if I needed an over the counter epidural to subside the pain because NOTHING was working. I remember trying to cook dinner that same night and I couldn't stand, I didn't want to eat, and I cried for hours before finally giving in and going to the ER thinking it could be a pregnancy gone wrong. The ER did tests and once again, nothing is wrong. I went in to see my midwife at least 5 or 6 times and they told me the same thing, nothing is wrong. It seemed like in the months following it just got worse and worse. In January we were supposed to go to a birthday dinner with my grandma for my 20th birthday. I was hurting really bad that day. For those that know me, I am not one to go out to dinner at a nice place in sweats, but I couldn't change because the pain was SO bad. I struggled through eating dinner and it seemed like it was just being drug out. Finally we left to go home. I crawled in bed with my heating pad and cried. I called the midwife and they suggested I see an OB and see if he could get to the bottom of it. I called his office and set an appointment for March. I went in and they did a sono and it revealed that I had a fibroid that was 2cm. He told me he wanted to monitior me for 6 months and see what happened in that time frame. The pain got worse and worse. We tried birth control pills and they weren't working. I was on whits end. When Bryon and I got together I decided to go on depo because I really do not want another baby right now. Maybe in the future, but DEFANITLY not right now. The depo seemed to help with the pain a little. I bled for weeks on end though which is not a good thing. I went back in to the dr on Wednesday and he thought it might be something other than the fibriod causing all the pain Im having. He scheduled me for a sono on Thursday and then a consult with him on Friday. I did the sono and by the end of the day I was in so much pain I was crying. I went to the consult yesterday morning and talked to him. There are 3 new fibroids, but he still doesn't think that is what's causing all my pain. We discussed treatment options for me and decided that the best option is surgery. They are going to go in and burn off any scar tissue caused by the endometriosis. We think that should fix the pain. Im praying it fixes it. Because of where one of the fibroids is at, if we remove them I would have to have a c-section with my next child and I am not willing to do that. I know that each person has there own opinion on that subject, but unless my child is in grave danger of dying I will not have a c-section. Period. End of discussion. Call me stubborn, but look who my parents were. If it comes right down to it I would rather try and manage it with perscription pain meds until I decide to have another baby and then just deal with it. Surgery scares the hell out of me and I refuse to do this again. I had already decided when I was pregnant with Brian that if I had to have a c-section I wanted to be asleep. I didn't want to see or feel anything. Ok, Im going to stop before I have an anexity freak out yet again.

24 Month Pictures and Birthday Pictures

HAPPY SECOND BIRTHDAY BRIAN JAMES LEANDER

Lion King!!!

I am so freaking excited about this movie! It came out yesterday and I have already decided that I am taking Brian on Wednesday to his very first movie! I only feel its right that my first movie in theaters was the Lion King so his should be too. We own the movie on VHS and he is super glued to the TV when watching it. I will let everyone know how it goes on Wednesday!!!

28 months

We didn't do anything really this month. I'm still trying to figure everything out and get back to some kind of normalcy. I can say though my mother in law has been a HUGE help and a blessing. I am so thankful that we got on good terms before all of this happened. I really don't know what I would do without her help with Brian. She has kept him when I needed sometime to myself or just needed a break. Those first few weeks were really tough, but I think I'm getting back into the swing of things now. Its been really hard to not be able to call my mom on my way to work every morning or call her when I have a proud mommy moment. Brian moved up classes at daycare. He is officially in the 2's class. I got a certificate and everything and I wanted so bad to be able to call my mom and share my joy with her. I honestly felt like I didn't have anyone to share the joy with. It's been tough, but I'll make it.

27 Months

This month has had it's ups and downs. Brian had his first trip to the lake on the 3rd with me and some friends. He had a blast. We had to leave a little early though because it was lighting and fixing to storm. The next day we went to watch fireworks at Lake Grapevine with my mom. We had seen fireworks a few nights before at Brian's Nana's house and he LOVED them! He would tell us that the fireworks said "whew" and that they were sleeping right now. Brian had a blast while waiting on them to start. He met a police officer and got to push the button for the sirens. He got a JR Police badge and was so proud of it! When the fireworks started Brian freaked out and didn't want anyone but my mom. We finally got him to sit in the car and watch them. He loved it! Brian had his 2 week vacation with his dad shortly after this so there wasn't a lot more to update on him. So back to the 3rd. We went to the lake with my best friend, her husband, their daughter, and her brother. I had never met her brother before. That day I didn't even feel like going anywhere. I wanted to hang out with my best friend, but didn't feel like being around a lot of people. My mom convinced me to go and to HAVE FUN. I was being typical standoffish Michele because I was around someone new. We went later that night to the movies to see Transformers 3 and I opened up a little more. I really had fun. So I went home that night and 2 days later started talking to my best friends brother. We really hit it off. We hung out a lot the next few weeks and on July 14th made it official! I am happy to say that I am in a relationship and not just with anyone. He is truly an amazing guy. I honestly don't know what I would do without him. Two weeks after this my world came crashing down. I had spent the night with Bryon and took him to work. I called my mom to talk like I did every morning. She told me that she was in the hospital and that she was just having a hard time breathing and that she had phmoniua. I was going to go up there and she said it wasn't that big of a deal and to go ahead and go have lunch with my sister and niece. While at my sister's my other sister called. They were transporting my mom to another hospital and it was more serious then we thought. I finished lunch and rushed from Dallas to Fort Worth to be with my mom. I spent the rest of the day at the hospital with her. I think I finally left that night at around 9Pm. Everything seemed fine so I made the decision to go ahead and go into work the next morning. I got a phone call around 3 or 4 that I needed to leave work and get to the hospital. Things weren't looking good. I drove 85 or 90 the whole way from Weatherford to Fort Worth, making it there in about 15 minutes. That drive is normally a 30 minute drive. All I really remember is parking my car and RUNNING to where my mom's room was. She wasn't there so they told me where to go. I remember hearing people crying and feeling sorry for them. Little did I know that was my family crying. I don't remember much after getting in there, just crying and calling Bryon because I needed him. I needed someone who would help me be strong because at that point I was lost and confused. He came from Dallas in rush hour traffic to be with me and comfort me. I'm telling you he is a blessing. That night I ended up going home with him and stayed until the funeral. I remember feeling like everything was just a complete dream and that I would wake up the next morning and it would be better. I woke up 3 times that night bawling. It wasn't a dream. This was real. Bryon held me and told me it was ok to cry and things would be ok. That he was there for me and I wasn't alone. At that point that was exactly what I needed to hear. I felt so alone. I just lost my best friend in the whole wide world. The person who knew more about me then I knew about myself. I lost my mom. I don't feel like going into any of the details as I'm at work and already crying just writing this. All I can say is I really don't know what I would do without Bryon. He didn't have to stand by me through all of this. He didn't have to hold my hand while making arrangements. He didn't have to take me home with him, but he did and I don't think I could ever express how thankful I am for everything he did.

26 Months

Oh boy! What a month! Brian had his very first hospital stay this month. He was with his dad and I got a phone call that I needed to meet him at the ER. Brian was having a hard time breathing and was throwing up and running fever. I rushed to meet them at the ER. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with him so they transported Brian via ambulance to Cook Children's Downtown. My mom rode in the ambulance with him and I followed in the car. Come to find out he had a micro plasma bacterial lung infection. He was on antibiotics, breathing treatments and oxygen. He finally started feeling a little better the next day and we were released to go home. He made a quick recovery and everything was fine. I got my car fixed this month as well. MY car. She got insured, inspected and registered and runs like a doll. I get so much better gas mileage in her then the other one. I also got added on full time at work which was an awesome thing because I really needed it.